Silent Crime: I survived my ex who punched, kicked, raped and strangled me as I lay in bed next to my children
In the latest of special reports into silent crimes, the Lancashire Post and the Blackpool Gazette will be looking at impact of domestic violence on victims and why many feel reporting it is not an option.
Running in conjunction with our sister titles across National World, our Silent Crime campaign shines a light on those crimes that go unreported or under-investigated by the authorities.
Domestic violence is a huge issue in homes up and down the country. Many victims mask what is going on leaving even their nearest and dearest in the dark.
Jaqueline Simpson, chairwoman of Preston Domestic Violence Service, said domestic violence goes under-reported for a wide range of reasons include fear, lack of control of their own lives, shame and guilt.
Last year a survivor of domestic abuse spoke to the Lancashire Post about her experience of escaping from an abusive relationship that involved being stalked and covertly filmed.
Our survivor was punched, kicked and strangled by her ex partner and when she tried to leave him he raped and strangling her while her children slept in her bed with her.
Speaking anonymously, she said: “He was let out on bail the same night he was arrested and continued to stalk/harass me even after we moved house, his first words to me after finding our new address due to stalking his own son was: “I finally found you, I’ve been driving up and down every street looking for you.
“My ex partner is also being charged for voyeurism as unbeknownst to me he had thousands of videos of me throughout the years, doing things like getting changed, having a shower, sitting down to watch TV, cooking and using the toilet. I didn’t know this until the police told me.”
Data from the Preston Domestic Violence Service suggests it can take a victim of domestic abuse 35 incidents before reporting the crimes to the police.
Our survivor added: “Experiencing this abuse had a significant impact on the mental health, confidence and self esteem.
“My daughter who was three at the time wouldn’t go near men for nearly a year and my son who was seven blamed himself after his dad followed him home and required therapy to understand that it wasn’t his fault.
“The signs to look out for are things like being disrespectful towards you, for example, my ex partner started calling me a slag and a whore in front of our children and telling our children that they will be getting many different dads all because I work with other men. He kept telling me how worthless I was and that everyone would be better off without me here.”
Another common trait of domestic abuse is the perpetrator will try to isolate the survivor in order to increase the control they have over them. One of the ways that perpetrators can do this is by restricting a partners access to phones, tablets and laptops or going through their partners phone repeatedly. Our survivor described her ex partner waking her up at 3am to go through her phone.
Jaqueline Simpson is the Chair of the Preston Domestic Violence Services. She has also worked in a number of roles to support survivors of domestic violence in Preston. The committee is made up of five women and is voluntary.
The charity helps women and men who are survivors of domestic abuse. The website offers victims a number of measures to keep them safe from perpetrators. Including not having an icon for the website that will appear in the tabs bar of an internet browser and having an option to “cover your tracks” which will allow victims of domestic abuse to look for help without the fear of repercussions from abusers.
Jaqueline Simpson said: “It can take up to 35 times before victims of domestic abuse to call the police. It is an underreported crime because people feel shame, guilt and there is stigma attached to being a victim of domestic abuse. There are all sorts of domestic abuse including coercive control, financial, emotional, sexual, not just violence.
“The charity offers counselling, advice, general support, guidance and financial welfare advice. Self referrals are the main source of work and contact via the website or the helpline.”
She talked about how children and pregnancies can be used to manipulate victims and they can be also compelling reasons for victims to stay in domestic violence situations.
She said: “It can happen to anyone and it is everyone’s responsibility to stop it.”
Domestic violence can also be triggered by different events such as sporting events regardless of whether England, for example, win or lose.
According to Home Office data there were fewer domestic violence incidents reported in Lancashire last year. The data shows 23,212 domestic abuse related crimes were recorded by Lancashire Constabulary in the year to March 2023. It is a fall from 25,445 offences the year before.
Police across England and Wales recorded 889,918 domestic abuse crimes last year. It is a slight increase on the year before and well above pre-pandemic levels.
Looking at the 31 forces that provided data on offence outcomes, just 6.8% of domestic abuse offences resulted in a charge or summons.
Clive Grunshaw, Police and Crime Commissioner for Lancashire said: "Domestic abuse often happens behind closed doors, meaning it can go under reported and make victims less willing to come forward due to the nature of these devastating crimes.
"It's vital that we shine a light on these offences and have a zero tolerance approach to domestic abuse, to ensure victims have the confidence to seek support, and ensure that we turn investigations into prosecutions, and into convictions that reflect the fact that domestic abuse can destroy lives.
"I am continuing to invest into the dedicated Rape and Serious Sexual Offences (RASSO) team as we make sure Lancashire Constabulary has the resources and support to tackle violence against women and girls, and I am lobbying Government to secure investment into tackling domestic abuse and sexual violence.
“Perpetrators of domestic abuse should have no place to hide and proactive targeting of offenders, alongside improving outcomes for victims and bringing those affected to safety, are key steps we need to take to build trust, encourage people to come forward and put offenders behind bars.
“It is only by working together through strong leadership and efficient policing that we will make Lancashire a safer place and deliver the public's priorities.”
Anyone in a domestic violence situation can call the Preston Domestic Violence helpline on service on 01772 201601 or Fylde Coast Women’s Aid on 01253 596699.