Letters - April 26, 2018

I have informed David Attenborough that I have just discovered two new mammal species.

The first is the Bottleous Claspious human.

This is a creature which needs to walk in its environment clasping a plastic water bottle which it drinks from, thinking, because a brain-dead scientist has told it, if it doesn’t drink 2.5 litres of water a day, it will turn into something akin to a dried prune.

The second is the Coffeeous Cupious human.

This is another creature which spends its life walking around with a cup of coffee in its hand, thinking, if it doesn’t drink coffee, it will fall into a deep sleep akin to Rip Van Winkle.

Unfortunately the creature cannot drink the coffee since it’s either too hot, too cold or, as it enters its vehicle, it spills the coffee all over the floor.

Unfortunately both creatures, after drinking or not drinking its beverages, throws the liquid container away, polluting the planet for the next 10 billion 
years.

Luckily, evolution takes over.

The first creature cannot breed because it is constantly visiting the toilet and the second cannot because it is endlessly visiting A&E to tend its scalded body parts.

Long live the planet.

Bernard Darbyshire

via email

TRANSPORT

Nationalisation is a backward step

The upgrade of the track from Blackpool to Manchester at a cost of many millions of pounds will be a great improvement for commuters, and will pay dividends long into future. However, it seems to have been plagued by organisational problems.

When Gordon Marsden criticises the poor performance of Government-run Network Rail, he should reflect on the fact that his boss Mr Corbyn has pledged to expand nationalisation to all our utilities, which if we are to learn the lessons of history will give us union-controlled strikes, inept organisation and increased running costs.

One thing is for sure that if nationalisation goes ahead as pledged, the next step will be to look for somewhere to lay the blame when it all goes pear-shaped, as it assuredly will. It will be 1970s here we come.

Coun Gordon McCann

via email

BREXIT

What’s in our 
best interests?

We cannot trust the Conservative MPs to vote in the best interests of our country because they are being forced to put the survival of their own Government first.

There is soon going to be a vote in the House of Commons on whether to leave the Customs Union.

Theresa May is going to make this a vote of confidence in herself and the Government.

So Conservative MPs, a lot of whom support staying in the Customs Union, will be forced to vote against it in order to prevent the Government losing a vote of confidence which will trigger another General Election.

The Government’s own forecast predicts that leaving the Customs Union will reduce growth in the North East by 16 per cent, the West Midlands by 13 per cent and the North West by 12 per cent over the next 15 years.

The Conservative MPs will be voting for the self-destruction of our economy in order to keep themselves in power. This is why we must have another vote and let the people decide what is in their best interests.

Mike Turner

via email

PUBLIC RELATIONS

Apologising can 
be a political act

I refer to the letter from Dennis Fitzgerald re: apologies (Your Say, Gazette, April 20). What’s all this obsession with apologies these days?

“Are you sorry you beat your wife?”

He’s just as guilty if he says “yes” or if he says “no”.

You see it’s not about the victim. It never is.

It’s about the political capital that can be gained from a public apology.

G Marlow

via email

POLITICS

Stop the talking and do something

Does it really matter who destroyed the landing cards of some of the Windrush generation? Surely the time debating this issue would be better spent making the situation right and compensating those who suffered?

Hilary Andrews

Address supplied