A Word In Your Ear with Roy Edmonds - Thursday, April 29, 2021

It’s nearly May but already feels rather like summer. Apart from the other usual seasonal indicators, I’m currently busy with parasols.

Parasols are, of course, for summer; while umbrellas more for wintry months. My activity with them, amid Edmonds Towers’ now flourishing gardens, is inspired by She Who Knows’ online shopping habit.

Long, strangely shaped parcels arrive with couriers. One was even forced through our letterbox, causing door damage which I had to rectify with Gorilla Glue. Yet these tightly wrapped packages are then stored away and not opened for months – until a seasonal change occurs.

At the weekend, as she rested under a giant parasol attached to our garden furniture, I opened no less than a further three parasols – bringing our total now to half a dozen. Or, in fact, five as, upon closer scrutiny of the assembly instructions (otherwise in Chinese characters), I discovered one of these was in fact an umbrella – which folded the opposite way to normal.

“Ah, that’s to keep raindrops off you when taking it down,” explained She Who Knows.

Sadly none of the new parasols fitted our garden chairs. I hope she doesn’t expect me to now stand alongside her holding one. They will instead remain in our shed.

In the meantime, we have several diverse umbrellas in the back of our car; others are in sports, shopping and going-to-the-hairdresser bags (in case of unexpected downpours), with a further three or four in the hallway at home.

However, most of these are now broken or twisted, owing to being opened in gales and blowing inside out – even the ones which claim they can’t be. Their spokes stick out at odd and precarious angles.

Still, that’s not all bad news. When walking on crowded pavements while holding them up, those needle-sharp spokes poke out like spears - they’re wonderful for maintaining social distancing.

* For Roy’s books visit royedmonds-blackpool.com

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