A Word In Your Ear - January 26, 2017

“You’ve no hair!” she complained, rather exaggerating my shorn appearance.

Now I have not so much a ‘comb-over’ as a comb forward, kept short in a rather monkish style. It’s easy to maintain through an active lifestyle amid coastal winds.

I tell you all this as the new US president has set fresh standards. Perhaps this first Year of the Donald will see a fashion trending for overweight, middle-aged men walking tall in generously cut double-breasted suits, with their hair sprayed stiffly into large quiffs. I can’t wait to let mine grow and be tamed by She Who Knows’ hair spray, though I haven’t discussed this with her yet.

As all those women marching in protest around the world tell us, President Trump doesn’t concern himself much with their views. However, I should think he checks with his young First Lady about personal grooming.

She probably pampers and sprays into place that famous barnet. The Donald’s duck-beak hairstyle marks a liberating stand for follically challenged men throughout the world.

While our own royals champion balding and the sporting and movie glitterarti adopt hair transplants, Trump has made comb-overs – previously ridiculed by Baldy Man and others – once more respectable.

Judging by modern-day ‘issues’ such as transgenderism, the comb-over may even become obligatory for anyone wishing to be regarded as ‘cool’ and up with latest social trends. This is, probably, why those Hollywood types are panicking and condemning the new presidency.

Nigel Farage has restored our special relationship with America, now we must find another ambassador Donald likes – preferably one with a big spray of blond hair.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man.

Step forward Boris!