Barry Band: Impromptu operas and holiday memories

The Covid-19 virus lockdown gives us plenty of time to wander down memory lane. How about starting with the holiday snaps - or images as they are now grandly called.

Are you a people snapper and selfie fan? I prefer the big picture. It evokes more holiday memories than a wide-eyed group proving: “We wuz there.”

Er, yes, but where was “there”?

Much more interesting in our photo archives are the pictures that that evoke a unique holiday story.

For example, my photo of the Bay of Naples has more memories than of a small ship on an azure ocean, rounding a headland behind a splendid villa.

The picture was taken in 2005 from our room in the Antico Francischiello at Massa Lubrense, south of Sorrento. There was a panoramic view from

Naples in the north, down to Capri.

Readers may have stayed there - but did you have a free mini-recital by principals from the Naples Opera (Teatro Di San Carlo)?

It happened one day during our stay. The management had announced that guests would be taken out for the evening meal because the hotel’s restaurant was hosting a corporate event for the Minolta and Konica dealers of Southern Italy.

After the meal we were bussed back to the hotel to find a throng of ladies and gentlemen in the hall. The men all looked like Robert de Niro while the ladies, who included a few Anna Magnani look-alikes, were dripping with jewellery.

Holidaymakers were asked to retire to their rooms or use the lounge. I heard a clarinetist in there and quickly steered her ladyship to a seat. It collapsed like an old deck chair.

Three vocalists from the opera house doubled up, laughing. It “broke the ice” and we were shoulder-to-shoulder with them as they warmed up with the first few bars of several operatic pieces before they went into the main room to entertain the VIPs.

I resisted the temptation to sing Just One Cornetto!

The next day we had another indelible holiday memory. There was a coach trip to the Amalfi Coast. The first stop was Positano and after the steep walk down to the beach we bagged a table at Chez Black and were revived by large glasses of red.

The waiters suddenly formed a line as a party from an Italian naval cutter marched in and had large bibs tied round their necks to protect their uniforms from splashes of spaghetti sauce.

Don’t we all love to be beside the sea? In 2006 we decided Lake Garda would be a good substitute and went to Malcesine.

After doing the daft selfie we lunched on the edge of the dock (extreme left in the picture) and ordered the obligatory monster pizza and a carafe of red.

Due to a slight language problem the waiter brought two carafes.

We did our best to quaff the lot but after snapping a photo of the paddle steamer (pictured) I didn’t remember much until the evening meal.

The hotel waiter announced that fish from the lake was on the dinner menu.

“What kind of fish?”

“Is fish,” he shrugged.

It turned out to be rubber bands in a creamy garlic sauce.

Apparently, Lake Garda is full of eels!