Taking Stock - November 23, 2015

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With all that’s gone on in the world over the past week or two, perhaps it’s only right I should let you have a laugh, even if it is at my expense.

I use the word ‘at’ very deliberately, because there’s no sharing of the mirth in the following tale, which should serve as solid evidence that there’s no such thing as idiot proof.

Now, this is certainly not a brag, but recently I invested in a new car – nothing flash you understand, despite the temptation to spend my hard-earned cash on a four-wheeled mid-life crisis. Things were going swimmingly until last Friday, when I decided to take the dog for a walk before the school run.

I didn’t want to forget the childrens’ swimming togs, so decided to chuck them in the boot. And so, having locked the front door, I chucked the two bags in the back and shut the car. Only after the boot clicked shut did I realise my keys were not in my hand. Nor were they in my pocket, but no worry because the car was still open... except it wasn’t.

Decades of mental conditioning kicked in and I did whatever any man in his late thirties locked out of his house and car with only a damp spaniel for company would do – I called my mum.

It was her or a locksmith and fortunately she answered – jumping in the car and rocking up with the spare house key I left with her forjust such an emergency.

That’s the thing about your mum – she’s always there when you need her – whether it’s to let you back in when you’ve been an idiot, or to halt your laughter when a four-year-old has accidentally written a four letter word.

Mind you, she’s making sure I’ve learned my lesson, for one very good reason.

When I made the call for help, the first response consisted of three simple words – not you too...

I asked later precisely what she had meant.

“Your dad did the same thing the other week,” was the reply, through clearly stifled laughter. Making a hash of the idiot proof – at least it’s not just me.