Taking Stock - June 11, 2012

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Forget the tablet computer, hybrid cars and smart tellys, I think I’ve just found the greatest invention of the 21st century so far.

And no, before you start guessing, it’s not that odd Japanese robot which, if you squint, looks a little bit like it’s dancing.

No, what I’m thinking of is a whole lot more practical.

It seems boffins have come up with a way to make sure you never lose your keys again using only a games console sensor, computer and some elastic bands.

Alright, so I made up the bit about the elastic bands.

But what a creation that could be – it could certainly change my life for the better.

Keeping hold of keys is, I’ll admit, not my strong point. If they’re not in my pocket I’m pretty much out of ideas, resulting in an outbreak of panic and general bad temper until they turn up.

After several embarrassing incidents I’ve learned to check in the pocket of my hoodie and, with three little people in the household, checking inside the washing machine is always a good plan if all else fails.

I’ve never actually managed to lose my keys in such a way as to need a new set (although I think it’s only a matter of time) and, something tells me I’m not alone.

When I say something, I mean that chap from Britain’s Got Talent who, during his 15 minutes of fame, managed to strike a chord with the nation with his irritatingly catchy rap.

While I have no doubt the undeniably catchy Where My Keys, Where My Phone, will one day snare the number one spot in the Hit Parade and has raised awareness of the missing keys issue, it hasn’t really done much to provide an answer.

My Good Wife shot down my plan for a remote controlled beeping device, attached to a keyring; assuming, quite rightly, that if I didn’t know where my keys were, I’d have little hope of tracking down the remote control.

Finding the one for the telly is difficult enough, although its disappearance is always financially rewarding thanks to a frantic search down the sides of the sofa.

So, boffins, I’m turning to you.

You are, quite honestly my last hope.

Without you I’m down to standing next to a selection of places where I think I last saw my keys with a hang-dog expression.

That, quite frankly, doesn’t work.

So, if I’m going to avoid an afternoon waiting at the shoe repair place ( who came up with the idea of a shop that just does shoes and keys) with My Good Wife’s spare set, I need this new tracking technology to come good.

It would be fantastic to just pop open the laptop and know, to an inch, where my keys are at any given time.

It’s a phenomenal advance.

Now all I need is a device which will guide my keys into the lock after a night on the ales and my world is complete.