Taking Stock - August 6, 2012

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IF there’s one thing I can remember from those days at Sunday school it’s the Ten Commandments.

In truth that is something of a lie.

I can remember some of the commandments – written into my conscience in the wonderful language of the King James version.

Thou shalt not kill is one I can definitely recall and I know there was something about thy neighbour’s wife.

Oh and there was thou shalt not steal, something I’m very keen to impress on my little ones, especially seeing the eldest is becoming something of a magpie.

I’m starting to worry she might have kleptomaniac tendencies given the wide variety of things which have turned up under her bed of late.

Most of the time she’s not particularly good at covering her tracks, there’s generally a Hansel and Gretel trail of goodies leading from the crime scene to her stash.

But, now and again, she does tend to surprise us.

Take an incident the other week as we packed to come home from our holidays.

Ready to check out of the room we could find only one room entry keycard prompting panic.

Out came the suitcases, every trouser pocket searched, every inch of every jacket scoured without turning up the missing item.

Not one of us thought to check in The Munchkin’s bag.

Had we done so we might have come across the card and managed to check out without the need for profuse apologies.

We might also have found the range of toiletries missing from the hotel bathroom and several of The Twins’ toys, missing presumed lost forever.

Back at home and it was time to carry out a raid on her bedroom, under the obvious auspices of tidying the place up.

The results were quite shocking, I can tell you.

Sticking plasters, toilet rolls, a nice selection of jewellery and cufflinks, it was the kind of spot referred to on Crimewatch as an “Aladdin’s cave”.

I’m not, you understand, accusing my first born of being a criminal mastermind.

Sure, she’s bright, but I don’t think she’s yet capable of a crime worthy of an Ealing comedy.

Right now I’m willing to put it all down to curiosity.

The world, when you’re a little person, must be a fascinating place, full of interesting little trinkets.

Everything is new, ready to be dismantled, chewed, thrown and put to a variety of uses, none of which they were originally intended for.

That’s why my cufflinks have been put to use, alongside a collection of notes from around the world which went missing from my bedside table, as currency in The Munchkin’s shop till.

It’s why the room key was brought home as an innocent souvenir, without any idea of the chaos her actions were causing.

I’m sure a quiet word will be enough to end the mini crime spree going on in the Stocks household.

But just in case, I’m moving my car keys to a place small hands most definitely cannot reach.