Look at it this way - October 12, 2012

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Brighton must be a bit posh because it has a Mongolian barbecue joint.

Do we have one in Blackpool, spiritual home of the all you can eat buffet, obesity blackspot and cradle of cafes with “buster” and “belly” in their titles?

Not so far as I can tell, and it’s probably as well given how much some eat at all you can eat buffets.

Go on – fill your pockets! Mongolian chefs specialise in serving filled “pockets”, steamed, boiled, deep fried, called Buuz and Bansh.

As one of The Gazette’s mystery diners – the mystery being how I haven’t ended up with a cardiac unit named after me – I quite fancy Mongolian food. If it’s good enough for Brighton it’s good enough for us. Mind you, one cafe there banned two men for wolfing down five bowls of Mongolian munchies.

For £12. Blackpool’s early birders would expect a night with the dishiest waiter thrown in for that price.

It reminds me of the time I bought my brother a souvenir, two pigs, snouts touching, under the heading “we can’t go on eating like this.”

Rob lives in France but embarks on a Rabelaisian roustabout of gargantuan proportions whenever he visits.

KFC one night, Chinese the next, kebabs, full English brekkers. After he stayed for a week when my mother had bypass surgery I thought I’d need to be airlifted in to visit her.

Rabelais was a French writer. Invented Gargantua. I call my brother Rob-elais now. He could have flown home without an aeroplane by the end of all that feasting. I share this slightly distasteful tale because as news stories go Brighton’s banning of Mongolian belly busters was Very Blackpool. I mean, you can imagine that 999 TV series featuring a couple of chronic overeaters having their stomachs pumped at the Vic. “It was a choice between eat like a pig or drink like a fish when our benefits came through. We went for the buffet.”

Mongolian food may take some digesting locally bearing in mind one local soup kitchen had carrot and coriander soup on the night I dropped by. That’s a bit posh too although one homeless chap told me it looked like “sick.” That’s a Very Blackpool thing to say. Beggars can’t be choosers, I almost replied. Not that they’re beggars.

So just why would you want to cram away all that Mongolian food – rather than good old fashioned fish and chips or the Squirrel (pub) carvery?

I’ve done my homework and boiled innards are big there. Then there’s Uuz which is back of mutton. Boodog is goat or marmot (squirrel) cooked with “hot stones in the stomach.” Then there’s Khorkhog, mutton cooked with hot stones in a container. The soup’s off though. If you thought carrot and coriander was rich try Bantan, Mongolian flour soup “with lumps”.

I’ve got the doggy bags standing by...