Look At It This Way - August 26, 2011

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n Myalgic encephalomyelitis (M.E) is characterised by a range of neurological symptoms and signs, muscle pain with intense physical or mental exhaustion, relapses, and specific cognitive disabilities.

Has Little Lord Snooty ever been here before? Or have his parents not taught him that most basic of messages in life – judge as you find.

I’d have dragged him off by the skin of his pretensions to Blackpool out of season, shoved him into a guesthouse for the week, a downmarket one, with guests who scratch, and a landlady you can sniff from St Annes; hot and cold running walls, bed bugs, musty bathrooms, and bacon dripping with grease, ideally in the midst of one of those HMO zones masquerading as an holiday area.

“I say, Pater, Mater, one’s neighbours don’t speak received English and furthermore that lady called Chardonnay appears to be smoking something from that smelly plant growing in the bathroom with the eery glow opposite one’s bedroom.”

So the kids, who had a couple of psychologists as parents, wearing the permanently bemused expressions of academics who have come to realise any amount of theory doesn’t measure up to the reality, went on holiday to Skeggy, a place that makes Cleveleys look like Sodom and Gomorrah, minus the kicks because of the number of residents on the orthopaedic waiting list.

And the kids actually liked it. And I enjoyed it because the other family had the strict rearing code of Genghis Khan tempered with Mary Poppins so their kids got bawled at if they stepped out of line, before a tablespoonful of e-additives in the junk foods consumed helped that medicine go down.

What’s more, Blackpool could have knocked spots off their holiday swop. Bank Holiday Blackpool is booming thanks to a rise in short stay breaks closer to home.

Booking on impulse doesn’t mean you have to repent at leisure. There are some great online local deals at present.

No wonder given the eurozone is all but on life support right now, and people are scared to travel abroad for fear the country they’re visiting, let alone the travel operator they’re travelling with, goes bankrupt and the kids have to bail out the Greek, Italian or French economy with their pocket money.

So my tip is this – there are lots of local kids out there who have forgotten what their hard working mum or dad looks like, let alone what Blackpool is all about. Reconnect with them – and the resort this weekend. Step out of your home comfort zone, bag some discounts online or use those residents’ cards we forget we own.

Mingle with the hordes. Park at one of those places only locals know about – £1.50 for 12 hours – and rediscover why you moved here, and, more importantly, why you choose to stay here...