You may sometimes wonder what goes on behind net curtains at roadside cottages, such as Edmonds Towers in Great Marton.
Passers-by on sunnier days, when windows are ajar, try to glance inside after hearing grunts of exertion. I am, of course, just exercising.
Jogging knackers your joints and gyms bore me. I don’t like that macho showing off on weights equipment - and that’s just the girls!
Instead, I do gentle stretching to suitable music. At present I’m finding tai chi beneficial. Mine is the Sung type, ideal for arthritis sufferers. I’d practise it outside in the open, but tried that in Stanley Park and got pilloried. A passing father with family noticed me skulking around bushes and assumed the worst.
“Hey!” he yelled, making others turn, “What’re you up to there?” I was in a clearing, seeking some privacy. When informed I was merely performing tai chi, he frowned and clearly thought it something offensive to taste and community.
I could, of course, do it in the back garden but neighbours still think me odd from practising ballroom dancing there with a long-handled brush in my arms, as recommended in a text book to improve posture
So, it’s indoors for me, with gentle music from Dav-Gar. These are specially timed instrumentals aimed at pilates and other exercise sessions by Blackpool musicians Dave Alty and Gary Wright (the Fylde’s answer to Gary Barlow), who drinks at my local and gave me the CDs.
Meanwhile, She Who Knows is upstairs doing her more trendy qigong exercises, to Chinese music played on her laptop. Fortunately, only a window cleaner is likely to spot her.
Any grunting, by the way, is from my physiotherapy exercises for hips, involving rolling around on the floor. These are also demonstrated on the internet – so you can have a go too!
All you need, then, is the net curtains.
• For Roy’s books visit www.royedmonds-blackpool.com.