“Shall we have the news on?” She Who Knows often suggests, when we’re listening to music in the car or watching a bit of sport on television at home.
I’m all for keeping abreast of events, if only to discuss them later and not look ill-informed when popping in at my local. However, just as we hear those opening headlines, the conversation goes as follows.
“Oh, did you hear that?” asks She Who, before I have properly heard anything.
“I was afraid that was going to happen,” she continues. “What did I tell you?
“Oh, honestly!” demands She Who Knows, “What are you shaking your head at? Your trouble you know, like most men, is that you don’t listen.”
Thus I miss the radio news.
Alternatively, after switching TV stations from test match to news, our reception goes along similar lines of interference.
“Good heavens!” exclaims She Who Knows, just as the newscaster puts on his most solemn face and begins to speak ominously,
“That tie doesn’t go at all well with his suit, does it? Haven’t you got one like that upstairs?”
Alternatively, when that pretty blonde journalist appears with our latest sporting news, She Who Knows observes, “Golly! Look at that ring she’s wearing – and those diamond earrings, see them sparkle! They shouldn’t be allowed to wear those, you know, it’s most distracting.”
Consequently, since retirement I’ve largely given up on news.
Besides, by our age you have realised what’s important in your life. The daily newspapers are just too depressing. Only The Gazette keeps us up to date – with neighbourhood developments...
She Who Knows’ hairdresser is always first with the local news that matters.
* For Roy’s books, visit www.royedmonds-blackpool.com.