A Word In Your Ear - 21 July, 2011

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EXCITING news in the Rhodes homestead this week as we went bifocal.

I know this may sound somewhat perverse, given we live in the multi-media age of 2011, but until I walked out of Comet the other day, clutching a 30-inch box under my arm, we were a one TV household.

My nieces and nephews have never quite believed how we have coped all these years, but, to be honest, it’s never really been an issue.

Basically, I get Football Focus, Final Score and that’s about it.

The rest of the week is dominated by Peppa Pig, Hannah Montana and a various collection of Scottish-themed children’s programmes my lad cannot do without.

The Put Upon Wife takes over with Casualty, Holby City and anything else which features ex-soap actors in a medical scenario.

Now the knocking through and rebuilding work is finally complete (hurrah I hear you chant), I took the decision to boldly go where we Rhodes’ have never gone before and install a second screen in the dining room.

Very modern family I know, but my lad cannot get his head around it.

The reason – he can’t pause the new telly.

“What do you mean it won’t pause?” he said with a puzzled look on his face, “all tellies pause.”

When he says “all tellies”, he means our one in the lounge and his nana’s.

What the era of Sky+ has done is lull my son into a false sense that is what life is like. When you want to take a time-out, you just press a button and come back to your programme at a later date.

My lad already thinks I am a teller of tall stories, so imagine his face when I told him about TV when I was his age.

“Well, basically, it was made out of a whole tree, had no remote control, which meant you had to get off your backside and walk over to turn the channel,” I said.

“Mummy, daddy is telling porkies again,” he complained.

For once, the Put Upon Wife leapt to my defence and even added the immortal line “yes kids and TV used to finish at 11 every night with the playing of the national anthem.”

My daughter, a cannier seven-year-old, smirked and joined in the allegation her parents were winding her up.

I thought about throwing in how TVs used to be in black and white and you used to have to wait a couple of minutes for the valves to warm up, but they would have tried to have us certified.

It does make me wonder though that if TVs can change so much in the 30 years since my childhood, what will they be like when I’m a pensioner?

Surely they will fly or be a hologram you can snap your fingers at and they spring into life.

One thing is for sure though, I won’t be able to watch anything I want even then as Casualty will still be on in 2036.