Ever heard of MBAA? The Milk Bottle Addiction Association?
No, I haven’t either (and it’s not to be confused with the Master Brewers Association of Americas, which is a bona fide organisation).
But I feel we need an MBAA in our lives – a new group to help any toddlers like William with their unusual love of empty milk bottles.
I’ve mentioned before how William took such a shine to an empty milk bottle one day that he wouldn’t go to sleep without it.
But since then, his addiction has spiralled out of control – to the point where we have different sized plastic bottles scattered around the house, from two pinters, to even those huge bottles which hold six pints. And, of course, the full range of red, green and blue tops.
I realised William’s love of this self-styled toy had gone to a whole new level when I arrived to pick him up from his grandparents’ house to find him knelt by the fridge taking an empty milk bottle in and out of the shelf.
His poor grandma had even had to pour the milk out of the bottle and into a jug so he could play with it.
And I dread to think what was happening to the temperature of her slices of carved honey-roast ham and pork-pies. Then the next day I was about to put the recycling out (including a blue top four-pinter – how dare I?) when the little chap created a barricade at the front door to stop me from throwing it out.
Instead, I had to wash it out to add to the collection.
And this collection of milk bottles goes everywhere. He takes three in the car, two round to visit the grandparents, one to the supermarket (where I have to explain that he hasn’t drunk a whole four-pinter on the way round) and he’s even been known to take one along for a pub tea. So, I’ll accept all the strange looks when William is busy screwing the lid on and off, instead of playing with a toy car or some bricks – I just haven’t got the bottle to take them off him!