Midweek movie review round-up

Dark Shadows
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A round-up of the latest film releases to help you decide what to watch at the cinema, plus you can view the latest trailers.

DARK SHADOWS (12A)

In the mid-18th century, Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) spurns the advances of servant Angelique (Eva Green), who is a witch, and falls in love with Josette DuPres (Bella Heathcote). In revenge, Angelique kills Josette then transforms Brnabus into a vampire and buries him alive. Almost 200 years later his cast-iron coffin is unearthed and the fanged fiend is unleashed in swinging 1972 Maine. While Barnabas acclimatises to the groovy customs of the era, he seeks sanctuary at his ancestral home with the latest branch of the family tree headed by Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer). Other members of the kooky clan include Elizabeth’s sassy teenage daughter Carolyn (Chloe Grace Moretz), wastrel brother Roger (Jonny Lee Miller) and his 10-year-old son David (Gulliver McGrath). Then he tries to restore the family’s fortunes. Rating: Far too Depp-ressing - 5/10

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HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION (15)

Veteran thief Driver (Mel Gibson) is nabbed in Mexico with millions of dollars of mobster money. The local cops pocket the cash and throw him into El Pueblito – Mexico’s most notorious prison.

A tender bond develops between Driver, a 10-year-old urchin and the boy’s ballsy mother (Dolores Heredia).

The tyke has the same rare blood type as cartel boss Javi (Daniel Gimenez Cacho), who runs operations inside the prison, but Driver isn’t thrilled about anyone removing organs from his pint-sized sidekick. Rating: Mel’s return to tough guy form - 6/10

PIRANHA 3DD (18)

Tongue in cheek bloodthirsty comedy sequel to Piranha 3D, in which a school of prehistoric fish with razor-sharp teeth was unleashed into an Arizona lake by an earthquake.

The townsfolk are starting to recover from the incident, unaware that the piranhas are still at large in the water system. Eventually, the predators swim through the plumbing and emerge into swimming pools on their way to a massive water park called Big Wet.

David Hasselhoff co-stars in a role which pokes fun at Baywatch. Rating: Excuse for 3DD eye candy - 6/10

AMERICAN PIE: THE REUNION (15)

There is a moment in what is hopefully final slice of the American Pie series when lovable Jim Levenstein (Jason Biggs) loses his patience with sex-obsessed man-child Stifler (Seann William Scott) and laments: “You’re so trapped in the past.

When are you going to realise things will never be the way they used to be?” Yes, just when you thought they’d grown old gracefully Jim and his wife Michelle head back to East Great Falls to attend their 13 year high school reunion. Rating: Please let school be out forever - 4/10

THE LUCKY ONE (12A)

Marine Sergeant Logan Thibault (Zac Efron) is ambushed by the enemy in Iraq and several of his men are wounded or killed in the subsequent fire fight.

Escaping he glimpses a photograph of a beautiful woman in the rubble, tracking her down when he gets home and agrees to help her work in a family-run kennel with her and her feisty grandmother.

Without explaining why he’s there, their bond deepens – much to the chagrin of her jealous ex-husband, Keith (Jay R Ferguson). Rating: Hunky guy, beautiful girl, ho hum - 5/10

SAFE (15)

Disgraced former NYPD officer Luke Wright (Jason Statham) lives on the streets after being betrayed by dirty cops in his precinct.

During a failed suicide attempt he encounters maths genius Mei (Catherine Chan), who is being used as a counting machine to keep track of the Triads’ assets.

When the Russian mob snatches Mei in order to steal the Triads’ dirty secrets, Luke intervenes, all guns blazing.

Little does he realize what other secrets she holds. Rating: Another Statham shoot ‘em up - 5/10

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE (12A)

A must for all fans of Marvel comics. When a dangerous new enemy threatens the safety of mankind, Nick Fury (Samuel L Jackson), director of the international peacekeeping agency known as S.H.I.E.L.D, scours the globe in search of the ultimate team of superheroes recruiting Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr), The Incredible Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Captain America (Chris Evans), Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) and Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) to save the day. Rating: A Marvel-ous comic treat - 7/10