Taking Stock - August 11, 2014

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I spend my life being told there’s not much to look forward to in growing old.

I can’t help but think those spreading such horrendous rumours are nothing more than purveyors of the finest porky ones.

OK so, the rate things are going, I might never actually retire.

But The Munchkin and her two partners in crime won’t remain children forever – they’ll grow up, stop liking me, and eventually disappear, leaving me to be a grumpy man in peace.

Not that I intend to grow old gracefully.

Stocks Towers is scattered with bits of paper, all of them part of the extended planning process for my long-anticipated world tour.

One getting old landmark I’m definitely looking forward to, and one considerably closer, is the day I fall off the advertising radar.

At the grand old age of 34 and a half, I’m not far off the magic date when I cease to be considered a core target for virtually every product known to man.

The ages of 35-60 are an advertising black hole – too old for Playstation, cider and trendy slacks, but not yet in the land of Saga Holidays or the need to buy life insurance from Cilla Black.

All I can say is bring it on.

After all, I’ve already decided which supermarket I like, whether or not I’m going to wear moisturiser (I’m not), that I can’t really tell the difference between branded and supermarket beans, and that the world of Haribo is very happy indeed.

Still, at least I’m not as grumpy about the ads as He With the Bobby Charlton Combover. I’ve seen plenty of my Old Man in recent weeks, and I can’t tell you how desperate he is not to be persuaded by those cheery folks on the telly.

It’s clearly not working, given his cupboards are full of exactly the branded goods he complains about while fast-forwarding through the break. But he maintains the air of a man desperate not to care, even if he is secretly itching to go out and buy a case of Cillit Bang.

Barry Scott’s enthusiastic patter, of course, falls on deaf ears in my household.

I’m not being told what to buy by the magic lantern and, besides, I’ve got a big holiday to get saving for.