Look at it this way - April 19, 2013

ROADWORK FRUSTRATION: The busy traffic on the central promenade in Blackpool
ROADWORK FRUSTRATION: The busy traffic on the central promenade in Blackpool
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Four lanes good, two lanes bad. It could be back to the drawing board for Central Promenade.

It was born of the glory days when Big Brother was watching out for us we had money to burn. And burn it we did.

The cash was splashed on eyes in the sky manned by custodians of crime (and chewing gum) free streets.

Tiny cycle lanes were created in hotel districts – ending almost as soon as they began.

Triffid-like lights materialised on Birley Street .

Block paving was painstakingly tapped into place by Portuguese master craftsmen – and then torn up for utilities and other work.

We stood and marvelled as giant spoons – which turned out to be arty dunes grass – caused a stir.

And a magnificent bird hide clad in what appeared to be fool’s gold appeared on the seafront – to host weddings and assist dazzled tourists.

And a star was born...Shared Space. The Emperor’s New Clothes of road redesigns.

The concept was Utopian. Pedestrians, cars, trams, buses, cyclists, landau horses, guide dogs, all going about their work or play in perfect harmony.

Now Utopia is long overdue a U-turn – even if that means more roadworks frustration.

Surely we’re immured in frustration by now?

I barely blinked when Project 30 diverted me off the Prom yet again this week for road re-surfacing.

We’ve got about another week of that to go. But at least I now know where to go if I want a tattoo. These rat runs come in handy at times. You see parts of Blackpool you forget existed. Foxhall’s my new bolt hole.

Shared Space works in places such as Germany where jay walking is verboten. And in Amsterdam where everyone cycles and which only became gridlocked when Justin Bieber visited the other day.

He had the hubris to scrawl “Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Belieber” in the visitors’ book at Anne Frank’s Museum.

No wonder we prefer One Direction here.

We’re also an unruly anti-authoritarian bunch. We like our cars so much, attempts to turn us into lean green cycling machines have thus far failed.

That’s in spite of Blackpool becoming a Cycle Town and laying on a fleet of horribly unwieldy looking bikes in yuck colours – for hire via a process only marginally less protracted than fixing a puncture.

So now we’re left with a series of generally empty cycle racks. What do you do with a second hand cycle rack – other than give them to schools for their bike sheds. Let’s turn them into stocks for metal thieves who have made off with our lights cable and artworks in recent years.

Chain them up, tar them in ketchup, pelt them with hot dogs. Then leave them to find their own way back to Manchester or Liverpool (sorry home city) with the copy of the latest Cycle Map produced by the Travel Blackpool Team.

Let the road to hell in a hand cart end here – in a radical rethink of the shared space concept and layout.

Forget calls for a separate lane for buses (the landaus have a stronger case for that). Or for tram tracks to North Station. These are not priorities. Focus on freeing up the go-slow traffic flow.