I’m in a state of breakdown

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I hope Mother Dearest isn’t always right. She reckons that bad things always happen in threes. She also has a theory that good things do as well. And she probably feels that sons do too – because she has three of them. She’s probably even now adding Tower Festival Headland concerts to the list (one cut short, one called off and one more or less bob on).

I’m only worried because The Manager and I returned from a weekend away in Southport (it seemed like a good idea at the time even though its town centre charity shops turned out to beat Blackpool’s by a ratio of about three to one) to find that our refrigerator had given up the ghost.

Granted we only realised it had stopped working when the Chablis wasn’t chilled but conked it certainly was – lots of thawed curries in the freezer, lots of curdling milk in the chiller cabinet other bit. And warm Chablis.

The worse thing is that I’d just done “the big shop” which as aimed at carrying us through another week. And that meant hastily re-arranging what got eaten on which days and how many stews could be prepared in advance and hidden wherever we could find cool enough for them not to walk back out of on their own after a day or so.

As luck would have it The Manager got her act together almost immediately on Monday morning and by that evening we had a new fridge. Smaller than the previous one but a working fridge none the less.

“I hate warm Chablis” she said, handing me half the bill for the newcomer.

So where’s the three things going wrong? First down was the computer printer which stopped working a while ago. I applied my usual technical expertise of opening it, closing it, switching it on and off and hoping it would start again. But to no avail. Obviously when I say “stopped working” it does still do something. Well, it photo copies. It just doesn’t print – which is pretty much why someone in Japan flung it together in the first place. I will get round to locating a new one. Eventually. It just seems so darned complicated.

And the third thing? The Sky+ TV remote is on the blink. It fast forwards ok. It backtracks ok. It just won’t pause properly. I don’t know about you but I haven’t seen a television commercial all the way through for years – forward, reverse, pause. No ads. Simple (all right, that’s the end of one I know).

The plus side is that I’ve now got the hots for the girl in the eHarmony ads. Bright, sensitive, outgoing and oh so attractive. As if she’d be single for more than five minutes! The downside is the number of robyoublind.co.uk and contheskint.com money lenders. Get them banned.