Houston we have a problem

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No sooner have I come to terms with what a LIBOR is than I’ve now got to get my head around the Higgs boson particle.

I’m actually telling you all a lie because although I’ve been following the Bob “Call Me Jack” Diamond saga at Barclays (it serves me right because I wasn’t all that sympathetic about the NatWest oops-our-computer’s-on-the-blink debacle) I’m not yet ready to sit a test on the workings of the London Interbank Offered Rate (then again neither is Bobby D?).

And even though I smiled at the sight of otherwise staid an suited members of the scientific fraternity almost weeping with joy at discovering the “subatomic particle that confirms our understanding of how the universe works,” I’m still not that au fait with what the Higgs boson particle actually is or does.

All I know is that one of the two above cost us all billions of pounds and the other..... oh, heck, yes, that cost us millions of pounds too,

Where’s all this money come from? Where’s all this money gone to? It’s a question we’ve been asking since the recession, depression, double dip doo dah started. And the answer isn’t Greece and Spain. That’s another pot of money which has come from somewhere and gone somewhere else without anyone actually seeing any of it.

I think we should hand over the control of everyone’s economy to the councillors of Houston, Texas, who recently passed – by 14 votes to 1 – a “pole tax.” Not Maggie T’s type of “poll tax,” this is “pole” as in “pole dancing.” They are levying a $5 fee on patrons who cross the threshold of the city’s 30 licensed strip bars. And we thought Blackpool was a den of iniquity with our four or five. But 30!

The money will be, to use a hateful term, “ring fenced” and put towards analysing forensic evidence collected from rape victims. Supporters of the “pole tax” say it’s only fair because the business probably fosters certain attitudes towards women which can lead to sexual assaults.

I’m more inclined to think that clubs like that actually reduce the likelihood of sexual assault and that if they are that worried they might be dangerous why have 30 of them? But at $5 a pop it could generate around $3 million each year to tackle the backlog of 6,000 unprocessed rape kits. And that’s on top of the $5 fee already paid to the state of Texas when visiting an adult venue thanks to a law passed in 2007. Wow.