A word in your ear - January 12, 2012

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A FEW weeks ago, I wrote about the shenanigans of your old-style ticket touts, the chatty geezers who stand outside gigs trying to “buy and sell your spares”.

Within that rambling, I made reference to the fact that they, at the end of the night, branch out into one of their other sidelines, that as purveyors of questionable T-shirts. But what happens to the unsold items?

Do they get bagged up and sent to Africa as part of Tout Relief? Are Liam and Noel Gallagher’s faces melted off them to make way for One Direction or JLS? Or are the T-shirts simply dumped?

Well I may just have come up with one way they can be recycled and put a smile on Blackpool Prom visitors’ faces at the same time.

Use them for a world record attempt.

Today sees the opening of Blackpool’s new wedding venue on Festival Headland, the place where the Illuminations are feted to finally be turned on from this September. No, honest, it will happen this time, as they’ve finally found the socket.

Anyhow, Festival Hall will ring out with the cheers of friends and family, as the first happy couple tie the knot under the gaze of The Tower, before being greeted by the full force of the Irish Sea winds.

Next to the venue stands the brilliant Comedy Carpet, displaying the catchphrases of our nation’s favourite comics.

When the headland concept was first mooted, there was talk of Robbie Williams, even the Rolling Stones, setting up stage and entertaining the masses.

That’s one for the future, but I reckon now is the right time for a fun-filled gimmick to be staged there.

As proved in Belgium only this week, where 600 chefs rather tamely got into the Guinness Book of Records by simply tossing their hats into the air, record attempts grab headlines.

And this is where the touts come in.

Did you know, the most T-shirts worn at one time by one person stands at a cracking 227?

Jef Van Dijck is the current holder, but surely there is a tout out there who can help smash his record. And there are many others to try and break in what could become a crowd-pulling Golden Mile version of Record Breakers. Let’s see if we can beat 1,016 body piercings in one sitting, build a chocolate skyscraper bigger than 20ft 8in, and make a ball of 175,001 rubber bands – one more than the current record.

Another two, and clearly only for the brave, are pulling a 411.65kg weight with only your eye socket, or how about beating Canadian Joshua Hoover’s mark of having a lisp-inducing 40 mouse traps snapped on your tongue.

It’s just a thought.

Then again until The Stones pull into town in their gig bus, I reckon I will not be alone in dreaming up wacky ideas for a headland which should be a golden attraction on the Golden Mile.