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The last word ...
Last words are for fools who haven't said enough. It sounds like the sort of thing Groucho Marx would have said but these are Karl Marx's last words.
Spike Milligan had the last laugh on doctors with his whimsical "I told you I was ill."
Then there's the pathos of Dr David Kelly's prophetic "I will probably be found dead in the woods," or Heath Ledger's "Damn it, I can't sleep," or Farrah Fawcett's deathbed note to Ryan O'Neill: "I'm happy, I'm ready."
Terry Breverton has made a study of famous last words for his latest (and he hopes, not last) book Immortal Last Words, History's Most Memorable Dying Remarks, Deathbed Declarations and Final Farewells (Quercus, 9.99).
Morbid as it seems to some, it makes for fascinating reading for man, a means of facing up to our own mortality while wondering ... just what will I say when push finally comes to shuffle off this mortal coil?
Keith Floyd, the hedonistic gourmet, indulged himself in one last memorable meal before declaring: "I've not felt this well for ages."
And Major General John Sedgewick's cockiness in the Civil War came at the price of his life after facing the Confederates and commenting: "They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance."
Breverton's book on the brevity of the brave, brash and just plain scared, when it comes to those last words is a real thought provoker locally. If I should die ... I'd probably say: "You didn't tell me THAT was the deadline."
Former Blackpool tourism director Jane Seddon reckons she would like her last words to be "It can't be that time already, or 'Time flew, and I had fun.'"
Comedian-juggler-radio presenter Steve Royle offers: "'Course I can juggle those chainsaws,'" and adds: "When people ask me how I'd like to be remembered, I always reply, 'Yes, please!'"
Rossall Beach Residents' Association chair Jane Littlewood (pictured above inset) says: "Mine would be, 'Did I really volunteer to do that?' but I think my husband Kevin's would be, 'It will look nice when it's finished,' or his other favourite, 'It comes off' which he always says whenever he plasters windows with emulsion, or random things with glue."
Blackpool security magnate Steve Sinclair, ex-bouncer, door supervisor staff trainer, and now author, admits: "A number of my friends always say they hear the same thing from me just before trouble kicks off ... 'Do WHAT?'"
And Sheila Dibnah, of South Shore, much in demand on the public speaking circuit since the death of her industrial heritage champion husband Fred, confesses: "Famous last words? What about 'I do'?
"Take it from me, when you utter those two little words your life ain't ever gonna be the same again!"
The last word, on last words, really should go to a chap who's made a living as an
undertaker. Poulton funeral director, and self-styled lifelong Blackpool FC fan (and former match announcer) Chris Hull offers three: "'Do you think Karl Oyston will give me a freebie season ticket?' 'It's all right, the tram will go around us.' And 'Blackpool will get in the Premiership – are you crazy?'"
But funeral director Chris reckons we now live in a healthier, more open, age where people talk more freely about death, and their aspirations for a service of real significance to loved ones.
"Death comes to us all – it's only right we have a say in it."
The founder of a new website, My Last Song, (www.mylastsong.com) which is proving a hit locally, agrees. Paul Hensby came up with the idea after attending the funerals of two music living friends.
"Their funerals were anonymous and didn't celebrate their lives in any meaningful way. I decided to create a website that encouraged people to plan funerals that properly celebrated their lives, reflected their beliefs and included those qualities make us all unique individuals, including the music we want to be remembered by.
"I hope My Last Song will help people address these very personal sensitive issues positively and confidently."
Visitors to the website find advice on planning religious funerals and also humanist, secular and the increasingly popular woodland burial ceremonies – provisions for which can be made locally.
The website can store requests for access by close family members and executors.
Paul's added a secure Lifebox, where
visitors can put all the information required by loved one. "Grieving family members know they are giving loved ones the funeral they wanted. There's also space to record life stories, photos and documents so future generations can look back on the Lifebox owner."
Paul's delighted with the feedback he's had.
"Last week the national fundraiser for Arthritis Care sent me an email saying: 'The distress experienced by many families after a loved one's death can be avoided with some preparation and you've come up with a brilliant way to make this easy to do.'
"I hope it encourages people be responsible for end of life affairs, otherwise these get left to the family or the state and neither can be relied on to do a good job."
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Weather for Blackpool
Wednesday 30 May 2012
Today
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Temperature: 12 C to 20 C
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